I want children very much. But had I conceived when I first started trying, both my birth experience and my life would be much more stressful.
Since I have had all this time to study up on birth practices and statistics, I now know things that will make it much safer and gentler to give birth. If I had immediately gotten pregnant, I would have given birth in a hospital, on my back, probably been given pitocin, and possibly an epidural. My babies would have been vaccinated (a controversial post on that coming after Thanksgiving) on the regular schedule. I would have used disposible diapers all the time. Now I feel like I know better (this is NOT an insult to people who do the things I have just listed. I just have learned the dangers of these things and feel its best to avoid them).
Michael and I are much more settled right now then we were three years ago. We have an apartment, he has a full-time job that pays decently and he loves, I work at home, so I can keep doing that once I have a baby, no problem.
I do not think that I will be a better mother because of the time that has gone by, I think the experience will be better and easier though.
I look forward to the day that God blesses me with a child, but looking back I can see the positives that have came from not conceiving yet.
Since I have had all this time to study up on birth practices and statistics, I now know things that will make it much safer and gentler to give birth. If I had immediately gotten pregnant, I would have given birth in a hospital, on my back, probably been given pitocin, and possibly an epidural. My babies would have been vaccinated (a controversial post on that coming after Thanksgiving) on the regular schedule. I would have used disposible diapers all the time. Now I feel like I know better (this is NOT an insult to people who do the things I have just listed. I just have learned the dangers of these things and feel its best to avoid them).
Michael and I are much more settled right now then we were three years ago. We have an apartment, he has a full-time job that pays decently and he loves, I work at home, so I can keep doing that once I have a baby, no problem.
I do not think that I will be a better mother because of the time that has gone by, I think the experience will be better and easier though.
I look forward to the day that God blesses me with a child, but looking back I can see the positives that have came from not conceiving yet.
Rachel,
ReplyDeleteI think you're so mature to write this post. I don't think I could have done that. I'm so selfish in wanting a child. We did finally go to the Dr., but found out nothing expect that our insurance won't cover any tests. So it's all out of our pockets.
Sometimes I'll see someone who's just had a miscarriage or has a very sick child and I'm thankful that's not me. And I know God knows best, it's just hard not knowing His plan. I always imagined pregnancy and childbirth as a natural thing. I'm praying we'll get pregnant without help from a Dr., but I suppose that could be God's tool for us.
I don't know. Sorry about my ramblings. I feel like you're one of the only people that understands. Most of my friends have absoluetly NO PROBLEM getting pregnant. Lots of honeymoon babies in my circle!
Hope you're doing well.
I'm not really that mature about it, I am just resigned to the fact that I am not going to get pregnant anytime soon without either a miracle or medical intervention.
ReplyDeleteFor IUI and an ultrasound and sperm count test its about $600. The next time(s) you do a cycle its less though unless you need meds or something.
I could go on and on. But then I tend to ramble on about everything.
Sometimes I am afraid God doesn't want me to have kids at all, thats what REALLY bothers me.
Anyways, I totally know how you feel, if you want any books or anything I have loads of them, if you don't already.