Wife, Then Mama

I am not optimistic by nature, but much to my husbands annoyance I am thinking positively this cycle. I'm telling myself that it worked and I'm pregnant and come February, March, or April I'm going to have a baby. I'm even being extra optimistic and saying its a girl! I don't know if it will help, the visualizing and optimism, but it sure will be more fun! My husband thinks it will be more upsetting if it fails, but after thinking about it, I think I will be equally disappointed either way. Part of the reason I am being so hopeful is that I won't be able to do treatments next month or the next. I am going to get off the Clomid for a little bit I think too. Give my ovaries an undeserved break.  I can't do another cycle in July due to my husbands dental bill and the Progesterone test eating up my baby money. August is out because we will be out of town for 2 weeks and unable to go to the doctor. So I'm going to go with I'm pregnant and not worry!

*DISCLAIMER - In case you can't tell by the title of this entry, it is going to be chock full of TMI and werid information you probably don't care about.  Don't say I didn't warn you!!!* Today I went and got artificially inseminated.  I think that is an improper term though.  Its not really fake insemination, its just a weird way of doing getting the spermies up in the uterus.  Its real though, or else it wouldn't work. The process was quick, easy, and painless, which is awesome!  I started my day earlier than I usually do, by like and hour and a half, because my husband always inaccurately gauges the time it will take to get somewhere.  Usually this is in the opposite direction, thinking that a 30 minute drive will take like 15 minutes.  I think this is left over from his teenage days of driving 100 mph everywhere he went.  Anyways, we left at 6:45 to make it to his appointment at 8:30.  Its about an hour drive, and as you would expect...

Tomorrow I go in for my first IUI cycle. I am pretty annoyed by this actually, because I wanted LAST cycle to be my first, but my body and ovulation tests were NOT cooperating and I ovulated about when I should have been starting my period again, and didn't find out until my thermal shift, because I had ran out of ovulation tests. So I am nervous, because I am pretty sure that I am throwing away $295 plus gas money.  But I have already spent $700 or so on this adventure, so it would be stupid to stop now!   As unpleasant as the female part of this is, I actually feel worse for the male experience.  I mean, I would be mortified and would probably give up on the whole cause of having a baby if I had to go into a room at the doctors office and amuse myself while everyone knew what I was doing.  So I am thankful that my process is much more clinical. I got the positive test today, and was so surprised to see that smiley face.  After the fiasco that was last...

Its because I am not depressed.  Not that before I was super depressed or something, just not as content I guess. Since I started writing (ridiculous high school poetry) I have been unable to write when I am in a good mood.  Its absurd, and obnoxious.  I just don't feel the words, I have to find them, and since I am nothing if not lazy, I rarely want to make the effort.  Even if I am writing about happy or random things, I just feel incredibly uninspired if I am not a least a little angsty. I'm not depressed now, I just figured I need to buckle down and write something, before my blog was lonely.

Second attempt ended up with more romantic, beachy waved than the retro curls I was hoping for, but still kinda pretty. I didn't really work hard at it and I was watching 3rd Rock From The Sun and knew I didn't roll them high enough. Oh well next time maybe.  This picture is how they look after being out all morning and in a car with the windows down.

" A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment, for all who do so are an abomination to the Lord your God. " (Deuteronomy 22:5, NKJV throughout) Do you realize that you can get off an airplane in any country in the world, and if they do not speak English and you do not know their language, you will know which bathroom you were supposed to go to. Go in an airport terminal, go to the bathroom and you will see a picture on the bathroom door. It doesn't matter if you are in Russia, France, Portugal, the United States or Mexico, there will be a sign on the door it will have a picture on it. It will either have a picture of someone in slacks or someone in a skirt. Now, if you are a lady, which of those two doors will you walk through? And if you are a man, which of those two doors will you walk through? I doubt that even the rankest feminist would walk into the bathroom that would have the picture of a person in pants. Co...

I want to be a "girly girl".  I mean to some extent I am, as in I hate creepy, crawly things, and love to read books intended for girls.  But I super suck at doing the whole getting pretty thing.  I mean I wear make-up once a week (and thats a good week).  Doing my hair involves one of three things: 1) Brushing it   2) Putting it in a pony tail  or 3) Running a flat iron over it.  Actually I pretty much always brush it before doing things 2 & 3, but whatever. Now two of my friends are selling Avon, so I have been ordering some make-up and lotions from them, hoping that by spending money on my quest to look feminine I will actually take the time to try.   Last night I was trying to find retro hair styles I could do, because I am pretty much in love with how women looked in the 1940's and 1950's.  Turns out that there was a lot of perming involved, and they women all had relatively short hair.  Seeing as how cutting my hair can ...

I'll text you about what you want, but my guess is a baby dress. Maybe I will wrap a book in it so I can send it cheap via media mail.