Tuesday, December 2, 2014

What I Don't Want For My Kids

I recently read a post on a blog.  It was about how coloring books stifle creativity.  You should just hand your kids plain paper.

However, I realized that I don't care one iota about cultivating creativity.  

I have seen a chart that was ripped to shreds on a Facebook post explaining good coloring vs. bad coloring.  I really want to make one myself.  Abstract art is NOT my thing.  In fact I think that most abstract art is either atrocious or looks like a small child did it.

I have a wonderful picture that Miss Baby colored.  She did it SO well.  I told her what colors to color everything, and she did such a good job not scribbling (keep in mind she is 2!).  I was so pleased with her good work!!!

After seeing the chart and reading about the perils of coloring books, I got to thinking about what I care about in regards to my kids.  That post will be done later.  This post is about what I don't care about.

  • Creativity: I believe that God appreciates the creations of his creations, as evidenced by the inclusion of Psalms and Song of Solomon in the Holy Bible.  While I can definitely appreciate good art, music, or writing, I don't really care if my children are creative or not.  If they are, and can channel that into something that glorifies the Lord, not themselves, then I will be happy for them, and appreciate their talents.  If they are not, then I will still be happy for them.
  • Intelligence: Everyone wants their children to succeed.  Most people want their children to EXCEED.  I don't care if my children are smart.  If "book learning" isn't their forte, I am okay with that.  As long as they do the best they can, I wouldn't push them to do better.  If their best is amazing, then I will be happy for them that some things come easy, if their best is less than impressive, I will be happy with them that they tried their best.
  • Athleticism: So many people hope that their children will be great sports players.  Not me.  If they enjoy playing sports, that is wonderful.  If they don't that is fine.  If they suck at them, that is okay, and other than completing what they start, I won't push them.  Should sports help them get a scholarship or even amazingly let them play a game as a living, I will be happy for them, but if they are clumsy and ridiculously bad, I will just commiserate with them :)
  • Wealth: Everyone wants better for their children then they had.  I am no different (as you will see in the next post), but not in a financial way.  I don't want my children to suffer from poverty, but I don't care that they are rich, or that they are not poor.  
Tomorrow (or perhaps next year sometime, knowing how well I post) I will post about the things I do care about my children being/having, and am trying so hard to cultivate in my children.

What do NOT care about in your children?

Friday, October 3, 2014

Sad, Angry Rantings...

Lately I am a wreck.  Not on the outside, just on the inside.  And vocally.  If you talk to me for more than 5 minutes you will realize that I have one thing, and one thing only on my mind.  "My" babies.

Obviously the details of the babies cases are not allowed to be public information.  Heck, I don't even know that much about the cases if I did want to break the rules and blab about them.

But we have had both the kids for around a year now.  A year is the "magic" number for foster care.  At that point the plan is supposed to change from reunification to some other sort of permanency, either adoption or guardianship.  It doesn't always, sometimes they get extensions to get more time, and even when it does change, it can take months to do anything about it.

Right now I feel like everything is so far up in the air I can barely see it.  I love both of "my" babies so much, and although its unlikely to happen, I have a terrible feeling that I am going to lose both of them quite close to the same time.  Other times I have great delusions that by this time next year we will all be a legal family.

I am a weird combination of pessimism and optimism (although apparently more pessimistic than optimistic since I listed it first...).  I tend to think the best of people in most situations.  Someone cuts me off in traffic?  Well they probably don't know where they are going and realized at the last second they needed to be in my lane.  But I tend to dwell on the worst possible outcomes of any situation.  Hence my current anxiety.

I know that they are not my kids, and they have bio moms that love them (just not as much as they love other things/people/activities) and the goal of foster care is ALWAYS reunification.  In my head I know those things.  But try telling that to my heart or where ever feelings are stored (also in the head I believe, but that is besides the point).

These kids have been with us for so long.  For the last year I have taken care of them when they are sick, I have snuggled them, I have fed, bathed, clothed, and mothered them.  They don't have any memory of living with their bio families.  They think of each other as brother and sister.  They think of our family as their own.  We are what they know, and moving them to another family, whether their biological family or another permanent placement is going to be traumatic for them.

And me.  It is going to tear me up inside.  Well it already is and it hasn't even happened yet.  I mean it might not even happen.  People say they could never do foster care because they would get to attached.  I am totally on the same page as them.  If they take both my babies away, and Michael will let me, I will probably quit.  I can have them take the kids after a few months.  That means they have a mom that loves them like a mama should.  That means she was willing to do whatever it takes to get her baby back as soon as possible.  But if you don't love your kids as much as I do, I have two words for you...

I am going to stop now.  This is quickly devolving into a expletive laced rant, which probably is against the rules, and I know is against my own rules on my blog.  I am one angry, anxious mommy.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Good-bye Blahg!

I am the worst blogger.  The worst.  But I am a really negative person.  So unless I have something I really want to whine about, its hard for me to remember to write.  Or to think of something to write.  Plus I am really to lazy to take care of a 1, 2, and 3 year old (plus a 4 year old sometimes/days), clean my house AND still be bothered to do all that it takes to actually get people to LOOK at my blog posts.  You know, finding a great title (unlike "blahg" = blah + blog), taking a relevant picture so as not to infringe on copyrights, editing said picture to be "pinteresting" and to look good on link-ups.  Then finding the link-ups, reading and commenting on other people's posts because its bad manners to just post and run.  Yeah, seriously, its like an hour or more, and that doesn't even count the writing part.

Sorry but if I get up early, I am not going to spend my time blogging.  I am either going to watch TV, clean house, or exercise (probably watch TV).  During nap time, probably watching more TV or playing the Sims.  The kids watch very little TV (one movie a week) and I almost never have it on when they are awake (only if I am sick or have house guests), but I tend to veg in front of it any time they are sleeping.

So my blog is dead.  I mean I am not deleting it, but I am not going to pretend that someday I will be posting on a regular basis again.  I will post if the mood strikes.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Miss Baby's New Room

So I feel a little guilty.  Miss Baby gets her own blog posts all the time, but Little Guy never does.  But Little Guy just doesn't do as many amusing things.  And when he does, they are more "you had to be there" moments.  Like today, when he was intentionally falling down every step he took.  Funny, yes, but not a very good blog post.

Anyways, back to "business".  My mom and I moved Miss Baby's stuff downstairs, so she and Hadlee can share the biggest bedroom.  She is getting old enough that she should be able to color and play with her "big girl" stuff, but she can't do that when she shares a room with Little Guy because he will either ruin things or eat them.  So now she is in a twin bed, which makes her look SOOOO tiny.

She has been being a horrible brat about going to sleep, and I think her favorite thing to say right now is: "I stay awake.  Tonight I got her to go to sleep without a tantrum, but only after warning her that if she threw a tantrum she would have to stay in bed all day tomorrow.  Hardcore, you bet, but she has been doing this for a few weeks and its getting really, really old.  She knows better, but unless she is going to get in big trouble she won't stop the naughtiness.  

Miss Baby LOVES Bibles.  She has since the day she got here.  She found a tiny little blue Bible and carried it around for months until she was to rough with it and it ripped so I took it away for a little while.  Then she got another Bible and started sleeping with it AND carrying it around.  We moved furniture yesterday and found the little blue Bible under the couch so she started sleeping with that and carrying it around (hey if you are going to have a "security blanket" of sorts, what better choice than a Bible?).  Tonight she asked if she could read her Bible before she went to sleep, and what mom in her right mind could say no to that?  So I went in to check on her, and this is what I saw, so of course I ran over and got the camera, because this picture is just to precious.  

Miss Baby and her "stuff", Snoopy, Bible, and Baa.