Wednesday, January 28, 2015

My Brother, A Soldier

Today my brother left for his first deployment.

When he enlisted in the Army, I was less than supportive.  I love my little brother, and don't want him in harm's way.  I did what I could to discourage him, to keep him safe.  However since he doesn't tend to take my advice, he joined up anyway.

Me and my baby brother a million years ago!

Last night I talked to him a couple hours before he had to leave to Kuwait before going on to Iraq.  While talking to him, I realized that although I think his excitement to deploy is a bit misplaced, I am proud of him.

I don't know why most people join the Army, but I believe that my brother joined because he truly wants to do his duty to protect the people he loves (and other people of course).  His choice to deploy (it was a choice because he has moderate asthma and could have chosen to be medically discharged or "non-deployable") is a reflection of his dedication to the commitment he made.

For our country to be what it is, people have to protect it, and I am proud that my little brother is brave enough to be one of those people.

Please keep him in your prayers!

Friday, January 9, 2015

Welcome to My Mess!!


Many people have a mat outside their door telling visitors that they are welcome.  How many of them really mean it?

If I am quite honest, although I do LOVE having people over, I wouldn't necessarily welcome them with open arms should they happen to show up unannounced.  I would act like I did, and I might even enjoy my time with them, but I would be wishing they hadn't shown up.


Because I am a mess.  My house is a mess, even though I do the dishes and laundry everyday, everything else kind of gets ignored much of the time.  I tend to have a number of children in my house at any given time, so my dining room floor could feed a small country on the days (weeks?) that I let sweeping go.

My TV room is a disaster.  We have a large house, but somehow have ran out of space, so all of our camping stuff, extra toys, and donation stuff is piled in our TV room.  It is hugely embarassing, but I am to easily overwhelmed by giant messes to do anything about it.

Also, I tend to be in my pajamas until around noon.  I should get up and dressed, but pajamas are so comfy and jeans just are not!

Well this is my first 5 minutes Friday and I did not plan my time well, so I guess I will end without an ending!

Thursday, January 8, 2015

A Parenting Promise

My mom was talking to someone about my quest to conceive, and they told her that when I finally have a baby, it will be "able to do no wrong".  Luckily my mom knows me better than that, and after living with us off and on this year has seen my parenting in action and knows that won't happen.

My husband and I REFUSE to raise a spoiled child.  Even if it takes many more years and thousands of dollars to conceive, we will not, I repeat NOT allow our child to believe that they are more special than anyone else.  Because they won't be.  Yes, they might mean more to US than a random person, but in the big picture, and in God's eyes, they are no more important than anyone else.  And I want to make sure that my kids know that.

I want to have children that other people enjoy being around.  I want them to be respectful, generous and polite, and I don't think that I can achieve that by spoiling them.

There is obviously no guarantee that my children will not be brats, but I can guarantee that any time my children act like brats, they will be reprimanded or punished.

When we are at the grocery store and one of the kids is being loud, I remind them that other people are shopping, and then I ask if they think that the other shoppers want to hear them yelling, or want to have a quiet shopping trip.  Then they tell me that they want to have a quiet shopping trip, and are quiet for at least a few minutes.  I am hoping that by dealing with it this way I am both teaching them to be quiet in the store, and teaching them to be respectful of other people's feelings.

At the library if they are loud or running, they are given a time-out.  "My" children are not perfect.  No where even close.  Last time we went to the library Little Guy threw a huge, embarrassing tantrum when I was checking out the books.  But I just kept doing my thing, apologized to the people around me and took him out of the library when I was done.  If he were mine he would have gotten a spanking in the car, but since he isn't, he just wasn't allowed to "talk" until we got out of the car.  He is little and stubborn so getting him in trouble for things he does in public is hard, since I can't reason with him, and giving him a time out when we get home in half an hour probably is lost on him.

I know that some people are so amazed with their children that they will poo-poo misbehavior, or sometimes even think its cute.  But I am not one of those people, and I promise never to be one.  I believe that people are selfish, sinful creatures, and we must be taught how to treat other people, and I fully intend to do my best job at teaching any children in my care how to "love their neighbor as themselves".

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Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Oh Yeah, I'm Infertile!!!

It has been about a year and a half since I have last blogged about infertility, unless I forgot to tag a post.  This timing is not coincidental.  That was about the time that I became the mother of a sweet baby girl.  I did not become a mother the conventional way, I became a foster mother.

I will still be a foster mother after Miss Baby leaves, and hopefully be an adoptive mother to Little Guy, who has been with us almost as long (although life sucking the way it does sometimes, that could end quite soon as well, since he has family members that *might* want him, and I should hear more on by the end of the week) sometime in the near future.

But the reality of Miss Baby leaving soon has left me questioning if I am ready for the ride of adopting from the foster care system.  I am perfectly, wonderfully happy with being a mother to kids that need one.  I am less happy with having those kids taken from me.  No matter what happens, we will continue doing foster care for awhile.  But, as I have known from the beginning but is becoming more clear to me as I come to the end of this situation, adopting from the system is a long process. And I might not be ready for it.

I would never give up the time I have had with either of  "my kids" for a biological baby on my clock.  I love them so much, and I am so thankful that God does things on his time.  I know that there is a greater reason behind Miss Baby leaving, that like my infertility, I can't see whilst in the midst of the pain.

So I am back to feeling my infertility.  I was starting to feel it anyways, as my Little Guy gets nearer to his second birthday, and I want another baby, but the ending of this season has amplified my desire to birth a baby.

In light of that, I have started a GoFundMe campaign.  If you are my friend on Facebook, please forgive the spamming.  Blog readers, forgive the obnoxious pop-up (but don't ignore it!  CLICK IT! LOL).  And everyone keep in mind: for every dollar you donate, that is one dollar closer to never having to see my pop-up or Facebook post again about it again!!!  You can also find a donate button on the top right sidebar.

I know its lame to ask people for money.  I know there are people that would say "if you can't afford the fertility treatments you can't afford a baby".  To those people I say, "YOU ARE CRAZY!".  I have had kids for about a year and a half now, and they have came no where near costing me $16,000 in one shot.  I have probably spend about $2000 total on them in the 18 months they have been here.  I have not really kept count, but that seems about right.  We are responsible.  We own a house, we have two cars, my husband has a great job, we have health insurance.  We can afford a baby, we just can't afford to make one!!!