Longer Than The Great Flood!

This is TMI post.  Just to warn you.  If you don't want to hear about gross personal things, I advise you stop reading now.  Or I guess at the end of the next paragraph,

It rained for 40 days and 40 nights.  I am now 42 days late for my period.  I last tested 41 days ago.  I hate testing.  Especially when I am SO late.  It is so much wasted time trying to conceive when it comes up negative.  I try to walk a fine line between hopeful and cynical.  I spend hours looking up any sort of symptom on the internet.  Mostly the links just go to message boards with infertile women asking if it could be a symptom.

My symptoms are:

This is how hungry I am.  All the freaking time.  I am going to get fat.

• I am hungry like a hippo
• I have been having a disturbing amount of mucus for quite some time now
• My nipples hurt
• A few times in the last couple weeks I have thrown up in my mouth a little, which while not unheard of for me, isn't usually a regular thing
• I am really tired, although in the last week I have been feeling better
• I've been PMS cranky for about a month and a half now, Poor Michael
• (this one is super inappropriate to share in a public forum with my real name on it that people I know read, but what the heck?)  In the last week or so, when I am attempting to conceive a child (because who knows, I could have a REALLY late ovulation, what with all this egg white cervical mucus going on) it just feels different... I'm not going into details, because that would be horrifying for everyone, but it does.
• Sometimes when I brush my teeth my gums bleed.  But then sometimes I have just finished flossing so that isn't really very meaningful.

That is it, nothing definitive at all. No vomiting all over (it is absolutely ridiculous how much I am hoping to wake up vomiting one morning), no giant(er) boobs with dark areolas and nipples, no acne.  No cravings (well other than ice cream, which I always crave, but not always to this extent), not even a more frequent urge to urinate (which I probably wouldn't notice because I pee like a pregnant woman already).  I spotted for like a week on CD 54-60, but it never actually became a period. 

On Friday or Saturday I am going to take a test unless I can think of a good reason to postpone it again.  I bought one at Dollar Tree a couple weeks ago, and I have a "good" one at Michael's mom's house that I left there so I wouldn't waste it in impatience.  I REALLY don't want to take a test.  I am 99% certain I am not pregnant (I know, a complete 180 from my last post on the matter) and I hate negative tests.  Plus, on the off chance that I am pregnant I will have no idea how far along I am.  Which means I will need an ultrasound, which I don't want to get, and I REALLY don't want to pay for.  Ugh.  Why is it that I unfailingly have my longest cycles when I am trying to "quit trying" so I don't have any temperatures to look at, which would solve this whole problem.  I would know if I was pregnant already, I would know when I conceived, and I would know if I was still waiting to ovulate.