Skip to main content

Conflicting Emotions

Don't forget to enter the current giveaway for a Cloth Diaper Prize Pack from Betsy's Baby Boutique.  

About two weeks ago we got our first foster child placement.  A little girl that I am referring to as Miss Baby on the internet.  As I already said, I am absolutely in love with her.  But I am pretty sure I am going to regret doing this.  And yet at the same time I am equally sure I will do it again in a heartbeat.

Doing foster care is a roller coaster of emotions I decided.  Starting out before you even get a placement.  You pray to get a placement, because you want so badly to have a baby in the house.  Then you realize that to get a placement that means that some poor baby has to be removed from their house.  But you still want a placement, so you say a very specific prayer every night that IF a child has to be removed from their home, that you would be the foster parents they go to.

Hadlee and Miss Baby playing at the park


Then you get the call and a precious little one (or not so little one I guess if you are doing foster care for older kids) is in your house.  On the one hand you are absolutely thrilled they are there.  Just having them around makes you happy, being a mama, even if just temporarily, is amazing.  Until you stop to think that somewhere is the birth mother (or whatever you are supposed to refer to them as) who is probably crying themselves to sleep because their baby (or babies) is not with them.  And you think how horrible it would be to have a baby that you only get to see once or twice a week because the government decided you were not a fit parent.  So you kind of hope that they are really bad people, who shouldn't have a baby, to make yourself feel better.

Even after just a little while, I am sad that I won't get to keep Miss Baby as my own.  I mean nothing is for sure, and I have no idea what the chances are of reunification, or even how long she might be staying with us.  As crazy as it sounds, since she has been here, I decided that being infertile for these last few years was worth it, so that I would get Miss Baby in my life, even just for a little while.  God always has the best plans, even if they make no sense to us (still doesn't make sense to me: why would I be okay with having a temporary baby after wanting a baby of my own for 6 years?).  However I might be changing my tune when she goes home and I am left with "empty nest syndrome".  For the time that I do have her, I am treating her just like she was mine and trying to forget that I have to give her back (except when I write blog posts and such). 

I am pretty sure that even a placement that ends in adoption will bring out mixed emotions in me.  I REALLY want a family.  I am pretty sure I am the happiest I have been in years with Miss Baby.  But it kind of sucks that for me to get my family, another family has to break apart.  Which is why I really want to make sure that I am supportive of the birth family during foster care.  I don't want to have anything to do with the break-up of a family.  I wrote Miss Baby's mom a note telling her how great Miss Baby is doing, and letting her know I will send updates and pictures to future visits, and I sent along some toys, books and snacks.  First of all I know that even a crappy mom (if she is a crappy mom, I don't know the details of the case, she could be a great mom that got in trouble for something else that had nothing to do with parenting) probably wants to know what her baby is doing, and secondly I want to do everything I can to make sure she doesn't think I am trying to "steal" her baby.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Things That Annoy Infertile Girls (or Maybe Just Me?) - Flashback Friday

This was actually one of my more popular posts when it was first published, but I still thought I would share it again.  Any additions to the post are in pink, as usual :)

Accidental Pregnancies - So I have been trying for years to get pregnant, you go slut around and accidentally get pregnant? Immediate Pregnancies - You quit taking your birth control last month and now you are pregnant? People Who Give You Retarded Advice -           - Just stop trying and you will get pregnant
           - My friend adopted a baby and got pregnant right away, you should do that
           - Get drunk, people always get pregnant when they are drunk (Yes, they do. Because they are
             intoxicated and forget to take precautions.)
Whiny Girls That Pretend They Are Infertile - Trying for 5 months is not suffering from infertility. It takes a year on average to get pregnant.  I get that it might FEEL like infertility but it just isn't.  After YEARS of trying, I can't even remember what tr…

Review - Seven Everyday Slings

I got this sling because it was free, I only had to pay shipping.  Since I bought it, I have found out that it is VERY easy to find codes for this to be free, and I am pretty sure that if you ever pay full price for one you got duped.

I was SO excited.  I wanted a baby carrier really bad.  I didn't have a baby, but I am always collecting baby things.

In case you were thinking that I only review things that I like, I HATE THIS SLING! 

I have used it with tiny babies, older babies, and toddlers. 

Pros:
- Adorable, and available in a variety of colors
- Lightweight and compact, you can easily throw it in a diaper bag or purse
- Works from birth - 35 lbs


Cons:
- Terrifying to use with small babies.  They sink down in it, and its almost impossible to keep them from having their chin tucked to their chest, which is a huge no-no in baby carrying.  Basically when I had Cooper in it as an infant I spent the entire trip to the park making sure he was still breathing, then I started sticki…

Is Mother Goose Time Worth The Money?

Last night my husband asked me if I thought that Mother Goose Time was worth the money if I didn't get it for free.  I think this is an excellent question, and one that people probably want to know.

How Much Does It Cost?:
Mother Goose Time costs $75 a month for one child, including shipping if you buy it month to month.  If you can order and pre-pay ahead of time, you can save up to 15%, depending on how far ahead you pre-pay.  If you have more than one child using the curriculum it is only about $5 a month to add a child.  Many of the products provided cover the entire class, including manipulatives and story books.  The things that each child needs come packaged in their own bag for each child.

What I Think of the Curriculum:
The curriculum is great.  It is thorough and engaging.  It provides me with ideas and supplies to teach my son things I never would have thought to teach him, but will make him a very well rounded person.  He now talks about things he never would have talked…