Wife, Then Mama

I should be cleaning my house right now.  Or getting myself some dinner. But instead I feel the need to "write down" my thoughts.  And if I am going to take the time to do that, I may as well share them. For some reason I find it hard to keep from thinking about having children (or at least one child!). Take tonight, Christmas Eve.  I want so badly to have children to share it with.  Right now I would be cleaning up after some tradition of dinner (something easy to make, easy to clean up, and everyone likes).  Then I would be getting them ready for church, baths, hair-dos, and Christmas dresses.  I would of course than have to find an excuse to come back in the house after they were in the car so I could sneak their "Mrs. Santa" presents (pajamas, so they have new, cute jammies for the Christmas morning pictures).  Then we would go to Christmas Eve service.  After service we would read a story or two, and then I would get them all snug in th...

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday.  I don't really understand the myriad of people who consider Halloween to be the best.  I mean its selfish and weird.  I'm not saying the people who enjoy it best are selfish and weird.  Just the holiday.  "Trick or Treat!" is pretty intimidating if you really think about it.  Anyways, this is a list (complete with pictures!) of some of the Christmas gifts I remember getting as a child (or teenager).  I am sure I will not be able to remember most of them, and I have no idea what year I got what.  But it will be a fun trip down memory lane! A bicycle.  Not this particular bicycle, but close enough.  I actually remember a bit about this one, as I believe this was my sister's first Christmas.  So I would have been 5 years old.  I think that I felt sick that night, or was sure I heard Santa or something, because I got out of my bed and went into my parents room, and on the way I...

Accidental Pregnancies - So I have been trying for years to get pregnant, you go slut around and accidentally get pregnant?   Immediate Pregnancies - You quit taking your birth control last month and now you are pregnant?   People Who Give You Retarded Advice -            - Just stop trying and you will get pregnant            - My friend adopted a baby and got pregnant right away, you should do that            - Get drunk, people always get pregnant when they are drunk (Yes, they                    do. Because they are intoxicated and forget to take precautions.) Whiny Girls That Pretend They Are Infertile - Trying for 5 months is not suffering  from infertility.  It takes a year on average to get pregnant Stupid Pregnancy An...

I need a bigger house.  Really I just need a family room and a living room.  And I really only need them at Christmas.  See I want two Christmas Trees. I want to have a beautiful, organized Christmas Tree in the living room.  You know with matching garlands and bulbs and lights.  With matching wrapping paper.  But I would of course put either a star or angel at the top of this tree, not a bow like in this picture.  Also I am pretty sure this is a fake tree which I am not okay with.  Plus it needs a tree skirt.  But you get the idea.  Very formal and put together. I also want a tree that looks more like this.  With all my Christmas ornaments that I had growing up that my mom gave to me when I moved out.  And colorful lights, and fun wrapping paper for under the tree.  Since I can only have one tree in my current home, I am going to stick with the family style one.  I mean Christmas is for family and memo...

I did something that I have been wanting to do since forever. I signed up for cable for the Christmas season. My mom always was on board for doing that too, but we lived in the middle of no where and it cost thousands of dollars to get the cable brought out to our house. And satellite requires a contract. I canceled my Netflix and signed up for the cable. Its only a $12 difference. Must See Specials - Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, Charlie Brown's Christmas, How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Santa Claus is Coming To Town, Mickey's Christmas Carol Specials That Should Be Must See But Are Not On/Available Anymore - Garfield's Christmas, Little People Christmas Fun (From the 80's, not the new one), The Glofriends Save Christmas, Mr. Willowby's Christmas Tree Wonderful Classic Christmas Movies - It's A Wonderful Life, White Christmas, Christmas in Connecticut, Miracle on 34th Street Not Classics, But Pretty Old Christmas Movies That A...

It is stupid to get a flu shot. A systematic review of 51 studies involving 260,000 children age 6 to 23 months found no evidence that the flu vaccine is any more effective than a placebo. The Flu vaccines contain mercury One report shows that people who received the flu vaccine each year for 3 to 5 years had a 10-fold greater chance of developing Alzheimer’s disease than people who did not have any flu shots. Research shows that over-use of the flu-vaccine and drugs like Tamiflu and Relenza can actually alter flu viruses and cause them to mutate into a more deadly strain . I love Christmas movies I love Christmas specials (Rudolph, Frosty, etc.) even more For some reason I think watching Christmas specials on network channels is better than watching them on cable channels. I am really sad that I can't ever go visit my family at Christmas because Michael works at a retail store and can't get time off during the holidays. I really suck at crossword puzzles, except f...

I love blogging, I really do. I mean I am a bit narcissistic, I like the idea of people actually caring about what I have to say (type?). But lately I have not been writing much, and it isn't for lack of motivation. See what I really need is an anonymous blog. I have SO many things I want to blog about, but mostly they are about things that annoy me about people that I know. Apparently I am in a pessimistic mood lately. Because I keep thinking, oh that would be a funny blog post. Then I remember how I like having friends and family that don't hate me over something stupid. So I don't write about it. It is never anything serious, just silly, petty little things. So its not worth making people mad, especially people that I care about. But that is why I have not been blogging. "If you can't say anything nice, don't say nothing at all." - Thumper

So I have always sent out Christmas cards (by always I mean since I have been married). I like doing it, it seems like such a nice grown-up thing to do. This year I even got some free cards from Shutterfly , so I didn't even have to buy them! Well some of them anyways. I only have 20 cards, and I usually send out 30 or so cards, so I am debating cutting back or making a trip to Dollar Tree to get some more. So if you get a photo Christmas card from me, its not because I think that Michael and I are so cute that you want a picture of us, it is that I am so cheap that I can't resist free Christmas cards. I was going over my Christmas card list, and I realized that SIX people on the list have had babies since I sent out cards last year. That is 20% (according to my math) of the people on my Christmas card list. And half of the remaining 80% are done having kids, due to either surgical procedure or advanced age or a combination of both. I am pretending to contemplate not sen...

I love Pinterest. I will spend hours pinning things and repinning things. If you want an invite let me know...

When I was 17 I heard from a few friends about a handy, dandy little shot that would keep you from getting your period. The Depo Provera shot. It is intended as birth control, and as I was not sexually active I didn't need it at all. But who could resist the temptation of no period? My mom of course told me no. Unfortunately for me, thanks to the progressive laws in the realm of birth control, it was quite easy for me to go get this nasty little injection without her permission, with only one little lie to the lady giving it to me ("Why yes, I am planning on being sexually active and want to be safe!"). My friend and I went together to get them. And they royally screwed up both of us. I didn't have any mood swings, or weight gain. I just had random periods. But pretty light and not troublesome. I had two or three of these shots, then decided that I really didn't need them, so I should probably quit getting them since they didn't even stop my period. ...

That is what I think every cycle when its at the end and I am spotting and I know that the stupid bitch is on her way. I can't do it anymore. But really, what am I doing? I'm not getting pregnant. I would LOVE to stop not getting pregnant, but I am not really in control of that now am I? Sometimes I want to get on birth control. Other times I want to scramble my insides or get a hysterectomy. Anything to kill the hope I have every month (or so). Ironically if I did get on birth control, I wouldn't really want to have sex anymore, because I would be afraid that I would conceive and then the chemicals would abort it, thereby making it pointless to be on birth control. I love birth control. I feel SO good on birth control. Unlike other people who have a low libido and depression, I feel awesome. I am much more emotionally stable, I have less acne, and I have a higher libido. Obviously something is VERY wrong with my hormones. I tried acupuncture this cycle for ...

I was inspired to write about this controversial topic because of a post on Birth Without Fears Facebook page.  Usually I attempt to be civil, polite, respectful and courteous when I discuss this (or other controversial) topic(s), but since this is my blog I am going to say what I think and why I think it.  I won't insult people, or call people names, but I won't sugarcoat it either.  Not that I think it will be a problem, but I won't publish comments that are insulting.  I only have 16 followers, but I want to warn you ahead of time. I think that abortion is wrong.  Plain and simple. I don't care if you* got raped.  Two wrongs do NOT make a right.  Just because someone did something horrible to you doesn't mean you should kill an innocent person.  If you don't feel that you can love the baby because of the circumstances that is reasonable, give it up for adoption. I don't care if the baby has Down's Syndrome.  It is still YOUR CHILD an...

Five years ago I got married. And after five years I am still not a Mrs. Tomorrow I get halfway there. See my husband told me a long time ago, before we even started dating, that he HATED his last name, and would never expect his wife to take it. So when I married him I didn't take it. Because his last name is pretty sucky. Its not really that bad, but its Mexican. So when we had a home phone set up all our telemarketer calls were in Spanish. And when I have used his last name to sign up for things, all my junk mail comes in Spanish. I speak English. Now I am an old-fashioned girl. I told him that I would take his last name, but I didn't want our kids to have it (HAHAHA - this was back when I thought I could reproduce). Being Mexican has some negative stereotypes attached to it, which I didn't want to saddle my kids with. Plus they will speak English, so they wouldn't be able to read their junk mail. Michael agreed with me about not giving them his last name...

I think that my body is skipping ovulation again this cycle. I took ovulation tests this month, although I have no idea why, as we are not doing an IUI or anything. Just vitex (chasteberry, an herb) and acupuncture. But I got a positive on Saturday (CD12), but my temperature didn't go up the next day, so I took another one on Monday, which was also positive. But on Tuesday my temperature was still low, so I took another test and it was negative, but my temperature was still low. So I think my body pretended it was going to ovulate, then changed its mind. It did the same thing during my IUI cycle, making me pretty darn happy I didn't try it again this month. TMI ALERT - The following paragraph is pretty gross and more information then you probably want to read, proceed at your own risk. I have been trying to check my cervix this cycle, but I don't really know what I am doing. Plus after all the time I have spent reading about fertility and trying to conceive, I somehow ...

Tonight I have my second acupuncture appointment, and I thought I would update everyone about my first appointment. Most important, and what everyone wonders most about acupuncture is does it hurt. The answer to this is only a little teeny, tiny bit, not really enough to even mention, but I thought I would so that no one goes out and tries it and hates me. I think there were around around 20-30 needles in me, on my belly, my arms, my legs, my feet, my hands, and one on top of my head. Only one of them hurt, which was the one that was put in my hand in the webbing (this is probably the wrong word, but I couldn't think of a better one) between my index finger and thumb. I told the lady that it didn't feel nice when she came back to take them out, and she said that I could have taken it out if it hurt, "Its your body"* (but in a nice way). Most of the others I didn't even feel go in, and the ones that I did just felt like when you are sewing or embroidering and ...

Next month is my birthday and as I am going to be old I have to renew my driver;s license. Yup I have been driving for eight years now. Well almost, but they make you renew it on your birthday, not when they first issued it. A few years ago, we totaled our car. All my "papers" (passport, social security card, and birth certificate) got lost. So I had to order a new birth certificate, and I am REALLY hoping that my W-2 has my social security number on it, because I don't have time to get to the social security office and get my card in the mail before my birthday. I was going to get my license renewed this weekend, but since my acupuncture appointment is Saturday, and I want to do some stuff before my picture gets taken for my license, I'm going to do it next weekend. I am going to dye my hair, because in my last picture my hair looks retarded, so I want to to be all one color in the new one. I am also going to be REALLY pathetic, and get my make-up done at the Cl...

Tomorrow I am going to get needles shoved into various parts of my body. Now five years ago this would undoubtedly be referring to a new piercing or tattoo but in my old age I am talking about acupuncture. I got a book called "The Infertility Cure". It is about treating infertility through traditional Chinese medicine (TCM). I am quite excited, but equally terrified. Getting pregnant is obviously the ultimate goal, but the real reason I am trying it is because western medicine has nothing to offer me. I want my hormones to get back in order. I am quite certain that something is quite off balance, as my cycles this year have varied from 15 to 70 days, and sometimes I bleed for half my cycle. But the doctor doesn't care about that, all he can do is give me pills that are supposed to force my body to ovulate on schedule for one cycle. Then the next cycle I will be as screwed up as before or worse. Plus it doesnt even work. I want to be regulated, even if I never mana...

I LOVE school supplies. If I can get something useful or fun for 15¢ (tangent - I miss the cent sign, so I figured out how to do it: alt + 0162 = ¢, you are welcome) , I'm buying it. Or seven of it. Now I like pens, pencils and glue, but my true loves are notebooks and crayons. Pens dry up before I can use them (I have 3 bags in various colors that don't work very well), I don't use pencils, and I don't use glue. Notebooks MUST be college ruled and its pretty much a guarantee that I will buy them in every available color. My husband thinks I am crazy (prehaps I am) but I love to fill them with lists, recipes, blog posts (before I type them) and randomly trying to write with my left hand. Crayons are awesome, and Crayolas are the best, but usuallly way more expensive than stupid Cra-Z-Art (which I think replaces Roseart). Back to school time reverses that trend. So I bought a box and passed my off-brand ones onto the kids I baby-sit. Stay off my Crayolas!!! I lik...

I dream a lot.  Usually my dreams make me sound like a crazy person when I tell people about them, and for all I know this one will too, but I am going to share it anyways.  Because anyone reading this blog already questions my sanity. As far as I can remember my dream started with me trying to push out a baby.  I was at Bella Vie Gentle Birth Center and the midwife I went and talked to there (about 2 years ago at a pre-conception consultation because I really wanted to see the place.  It is really awesome!) was my midwife.  I was struggling to get the baby out, and it hurt.  So I decided I wanted a c-section.  But not because I was not willing to handle the pain (which wasn't that bad, in my dream it just felt like pressure,  but hey I have never given birth, my brain has no frame of reference) I was SURE I was hurting the baby. After all the baby was kicking every time I started pushing.  It was kind of creepy, because I could tell wh...

Now I feel somewhere in the back of my head that "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" has a historical/political meaning, but I have no idea why I think that, and I am to lazy to Google it to find out if it is true. I get the title from That 70's Show (season 1, episode 10 - that I was willing to look up - Red's unbearable mother comes to spend a Sunday with the family. Kitty tries to quit smoking , and Eric has a school paper due. Kelso wants to break up with Jackie, but doesn't know how to tell her. ).  But this post has nothing to do with That 70's Show or any other awesome sit-com.  We went to Sunday School on last Sunday.  We don't really go to church because our pastor tends to repeat the same Evangelical sermon over and over again.  Which is great if you need to get saved, but for those of us that have already done that, it gets a bit monotonous.  It took us a long time to find a church that I liked (Michael is much more flexible) and we don't want to fi...

Someone that I went to High School with started a Facebook group for "our" graduating class.  Our is in quotes because I didn't actually graduate, but I went most of the time right up until graduation.  I should have gone back for a "super senior" year, but seeing as how I would much rather not go to school I didn't.  So far this has had ZERO negative effects on me. If I had not "dropped out" (again quotes because dropping out doesn't feel right, I went all 12 years, I just didn't go enough to graduate for the last 3) I probably would not be married to my wonderful husband, because I wouldn't have moved to Salem and ever met him.  So YAY for not graduating.  Also I have had quite a few jobs (all entry level to be fair) and I have NEVER been told no for a job based on my lack of diploma.  (Okay I did not get a job once, but it was a baby-sitting job, so I don't think that counts, as a diploma is completely irrelevant since I have b...

Kind of literally if you think about it. I never actually ovulated.  My temperatures never went up.  I knew that I didn't ovulate, but my husband still wanted me to go in and get the progesterone test done.  He has pretty much no faith in non-medical ways of doing things, which is quite obnoxious, so he figured the temperatures were just wrong. So Friday July 1st I went into get my test (around $70).  Later that night we went and saw Transformers 3 (which was pretty awesome by the way) and got home late around like 1 or 2 am.  I went to the bathroom and I had started my period.  Less than 24 hours after getting a test done I started bleeding.  I told my husband I had started bleeding and he didn't seem to care.  The next day I told him it was mean to not care when it all goes so horribly wrong, and he said that he had just thought that maybe it was implantation bleeding. Of course I knew it wasn't because I never ovulated, plus unlike my usu...

I am not optimistic by nature, but much to my husbands annoyance I am thinking positively this cycle. I'm telling myself that it worked and I'm pregnant and come February, March, or April I'm going to have a baby. I'm even being extra optimistic and saying its a girl! I don't know if it will help, the visualizing and optimism, but it sure will be more fun! My husband thinks it will be more upsetting if it fails, but after thinking about it, I think I will be equally disappointed either way. Part of the reason I am being so hopeful is that I won't be able to do treatments next month or the next. I am going to get off the Clomid for a little bit I think too. Give my ovaries an undeserved break.  I can't do another cycle in July due to my husbands dental bill and the Progesterone test eating up my baby money. August is out because we will be out of town for 2 weeks and unable to go to the doctor. So I'm going to go with I'm pregnant and not worry!

*DISCLAIMER - In case you can't tell by the title of this entry, it is going to be chock full of TMI and werid information you probably don't care about.  Don't say I didn't warn you!!!* Today I went and got artificially inseminated.  I think that is an improper term though.  Its not really fake insemination, its just a weird way of doing getting the spermies up in the uterus.  Its real though, or else it wouldn't work. The process was quick, easy, and painless, which is awesome!  I started my day earlier than I usually do, by like and hour and a half, because my husband always inaccurately gauges the time it will take to get somewhere.  Usually this is in the opposite direction, thinking that a 30 minute drive will take like 15 minutes.  I think this is left over from his teenage days of driving 100 mph everywhere he went.  Anyways, we left at 6:45 to make it to his appointment at 8:30.  Its about an hour drive, and as you would expect...

Tomorrow I go in for my first IUI cycle. I am pretty annoyed by this actually, because I wanted LAST cycle to be my first, but my body and ovulation tests were NOT cooperating and I ovulated about when I should have been starting my period again, and didn't find out until my thermal shift, because I had ran out of ovulation tests. So I am nervous, because I am pretty sure that I am throwing away $295 plus gas money.  But I have already spent $700 or so on this adventure, so it would be stupid to stop now!   As unpleasant as the female part of this is, I actually feel worse for the male experience.  I mean, I would be mortified and would probably give up on the whole cause of having a baby if I had to go into a room at the doctors office and amuse myself while everyone knew what I was doing.  So I am thankful that my process is much more clinical. I got the positive test today, and was so surprised to see that smiley face.  After the fiasco that was last...

Its because I am not depressed.  Not that before I was super depressed or something, just not as content I guess. Since I started writing (ridiculous high school poetry) I have been unable to write when I am in a good mood.  Its absurd, and obnoxious.  I just don't feel the words, I have to find them, and since I am nothing if not lazy, I rarely want to make the effort.  Even if I am writing about happy or random things, I just feel incredibly uninspired if I am not a least a little angsty. I'm not depressed now, I just figured I need to buckle down and write something, before my blog was lonely.

Second attempt ended up with more romantic, beachy waved than the retro curls I was hoping for, but still kinda pretty. I didn't really work hard at it and I was watching 3rd Rock From The Sun and knew I didn't roll them high enough. Oh well next time maybe.  This picture is how they look after being out all morning and in a car with the windows down.

" A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment, for all who do so are an abomination to the Lord your God. " (Deuteronomy 22:5, NKJV throughout) Do you realize that you can get off an airplane in any country in the world, and if they do not speak English and you do not know their language, you will know which bathroom you were supposed to go to. Go in an airport terminal, go to the bathroom and you will see a picture on the bathroom door. It doesn't matter if you are in Russia, France, Portugal, the United States or Mexico, there will be a sign on the door it will have a picture on it. It will either have a picture of someone in slacks or someone in a skirt. Now, if you are a lady, which of those two doors will you walk through? And if you are a man, which of those two doors will you walk through? I doubt that even the rankest feminist would walk into the bathroom that would have the picture of a person in pants. Co...

I want to be a "girly girl".  I mean to some extent I am, as in I hate creepy, crawly things, and love to read books intended for girls.  But I super suck at doing the whole getting pretty thing.  I mean I wear make-up once a week (and thats a good week).  Doing my hair involves one of three things: 1) Brushing it   2) Putting it in a pony tail  or 3) Running a flat iron over it.  Actually I pretty much always brush it before doing things 2 & 3, but whatever. Now two of my friends are selling Avon, so I have been ordering some make-up and lotions from them, hoping that by spending money on my quest to look feminine I will actually take the time to try.   Last night I was trying to find retro hair styles I could do, because I am pretty much in love with how women looked in the 1940's and 1950's.  Turns out that there was a lot of perming involved, and they women all had relatively short hair.  Seeing as how cutting my hair can ...

I'll text you about what you want, but my guess is a baby dress. Maybe I will wrap a book in it so I can send it cheap via media mail.

Well I just realized that Mother's Day was my 1st Blogiversary.  I realized that after I noticed that I had not posted about the unfairness that is Mother's Day.  I can't believe I actually have been blogging for a year.  I mean I am not the most consistent, but I could be much worse, I mean 76 posts in one year equals out to about one post every 4-5 days.  Of course that isn't how I post, but still. To celebrate I am going to have a giveaway!  That is right, I am going to give something away to someone that reads my blog.  Since most of them are local I probably won't have to pay shipping even.  I am cheap, and poor, so it will be a book that I giveaway, and I will let the winner (whom will be picked by using a random number generator) pick from a list that is mostly chick lit and maybe a baby book or two.  Or if you like baby clothes, I can probably make a baby item for you (especially if you like girl baby clothes, boy clothes are much ha...

I was born in the wrong era.  For one thing, I would LOVE to wear the pretty dresses they used to wear.  Today's styles are fairly awful.  We were driving down the road last Saturday and my husband asked me if two people walking were girls.  There were dressed in normal jeans and tank tops and didn't look dyke-y or anything.  If girls wore skirts and dresses, you could easily tell if someone is male or female, and as androgyny REALLY bothers me, I would appreciate that.  Another shallow fashion related reason is the hair.  While it wasn't necessarily nicer looking, it was much more put together than today's bed head or flat ironed styles. I also wish we were still proper.  I would love it if we still wore hats and gloves out of the house.  Wouldn't the atmosphere at Wal-Mart and WinCo be nicer if most of the customers were wearing dresses, hats and gloves?  Personally I can't even manage to be embarrassed to leave the house in my pajam...

I do everything in binges.  I take 3 weeks between blog posts, then I post 3 all in one day.  I earn money on ChaCha $10 in one day, then about $3 the rest of the week.  I clean my house al in one day, then don't do much for the rest of the week.  One thing I don't binge on is food, but thats just because I love to eat, so doing it all at once is not near as satisfying as grazing all day. Lately I have been binging on sewing.  Just for the last day or two.  But I have (almost) finished four baby dresses with two matching head scarves, I am working on a vintage style dress (which will look ridiculous because I had to buy fabric from two different stores, and black is not always black I guess), another skirt, and a baby skirt.  Then I will probably put my sewing machine away and not take it out for another month or two.  Or not, because Joann's is moving, and they are not moving any of their stuff, so its all going to be on sale.  I am hoping...

That was me crying.  A few days ago I found a gray hair.  Yes, I am getting old.  Early too I suppose.  The average female doesn't start getting gray hairs until she is around 35.  I am only 24.  Usually I tell Michael when terrible things happen to me.  For some reason I couldn't bring myself to this time.  I looked in the mirror and saw a weird light colored hair.  I figured I was just crazy and ignored it until the next time I noticed it.  Then I pulled it out and sure enough there was like an inch of grayish hair above the dark brown hair.  It was right at the front of my hair so I could see it really easy.  Now I am wondering how many others I have that I can't see.  This is how I will look old.  And wearing make-up.  And with bangs just for the heck of it. Well now I guess dying my hair isn't just a fun thing to do, its a necessity.  Now I just have to figure out how to convince Michael of tha...

This post is not intended to offend anyone, if it does I am sorry, but this is my blog and I can post what I want.  Well unless its illegal, but I don't really do anything illegal so I am not to worried. First of all, this post is not stemming from anyone I know, although I do know people who also make me think of this.  This is all brought on by a book I read. In the book, the main character is one of those people that chooses to remain childless.  At first I thought this was a stupid thing to do.  Then I saw how she treated her animals and decided that since this was a true story, the world was DEFINITELY better off without her children in it.  More on that in a second. Okay, so this lady referred to her animals as her children.  Repeatedly.  Why, oh why do people do this?  Animals are animals, people are people.  Hopefully most people are aware of this, or else eating meat could become a dangerous thing. As someone who appears unab...