Wife, Then Mama

I recently read a post on a blog.  It was about how coloring books stifle creativity.  You should just hand your kids plain paper. However, I realized that I don't care one iota about cultivating creativity.   I have seen a chart that was ripped to shreds on a Facebook post explaining good coloring vs. bad coloring.  I really want to make one myself.  Abstract art is NOT my thing.  In fact I think that most abstract art is either atrocious or looks like a small child did it. I have a wonderful picture that Miss Baby colored.  She did it SO well.  I told her what colors to color everything, and she did such a good job not scribbling (keep in mind she is 2!).  I was so pleased with her good work!!! After seeing the chart and reading about the perils of coloring books, I got to thinking about what I care about in regards to my kids.  That post will be done later.  This post is about what I don't care about. C...

Lately I am a wreck.  Not on the outside, just on the inside.  And vocally.  If you talk to me for more than 5 minutes you will realize that I have one thing, and one thing only on my mind.  "My" babies. Obviously the details of the babies cases are not allowed to be public information.  Heck, I don't even know that much about the cases if I did want to break the rules and blab about them. But we have had both the kids for around a year now.  A year is the "magic" number for foster care.  At that point the plan is supposed to change from reunification to some other sort of permanency, either adoption or guardianship.  It doesn't always, sometimes they get extensions to get more time, and even when it does change, it can take months to do anything about it. Right now I feel like everything is so far up in the air I can barely see it.  I love both of "my" babies so much, and although its unlikely to happen, I have a terrible feeling that ...

I am the worst blogger.  The worst.  But I am a really negative person.  So unless I have something I really want to whine about, its hard for me to remember to write.  Or to think of something to write.  Plus I am really to lazy to take care of a 1, 2, and 3 year old (plus a 4 year old sometimes/days), clean my house AND still be bothered to do all that it takes to actually get people to LOOK at my blog posts.  You know, finding a great title (unlike "blahg" = blah + blog), taking a relevant picture so as not to infringe on copyrights, editing said picture to be "pinteresting" and to look good on link-ups.  Then finding the link-ups, reading and commenting on other people's posts because its bad manners to just post and run.  Yeah, seriously, its like an hour or more, and that doesn't even count the writing part. Sorry but if I get up early, I am not going to spend my time blogging.  I am either going to watch TV, clean house, or exer...

So I feel a little guilty.  Miss Baby gets her own blog posts all the time, but Little Guy never does.  But Little Guy just doesn't do as many amusing things.  And when he does, they are more "you had to be there" moments.  Like today, when he was intentionally falling down every step he took.  Funny, yes, but not a very good blog post. Anyways, back to "business".  My mom and I moved Miss Baby's stuff downstairs, so she and Hadlee can share the biggest bedroom.  She is getting old enough that she should be able to color and play with her "big girl" stuff, but she can't do that when she shares a room with Little Guy because he will either ruin things or eat them.  So now she is in a twin bed, which makes her look SOOOO tiny. She has been being a horrible brat about going to sleep, and I think her favorite thing to say right now is: "I stay awake.  Tonight I got her to go to sleep without a tantrum, but only after warning her that ...

Weird "side-effect" from cleaning my house:  The kids are playing REALLY well together. I have NO idea why they are playing better.  I don't know if its that a messy house subconsciously makes people stressed or if its because I have been actually busy, instead of "busy" on my phone or computer so they don't feel ignored, they just realize mom is doing her work. Or if its completely unrelated and just happened to happen at the same time.  But I am broken in the head, and the fact that they can all play (mostly) nicely together for hours at a time with no intervention makes me a little sad.  Its like I am unnecessary and although its great for them to be independent and bodes very well for their futures, selfishly it makes me a little bit hurt.    That is probably how people become "helicopter parents".  They realize that if they are constantly with their kids, the kids will "need" them to be able to function and so they ar...

As of today, I have been a mother for 1 year!  Unlike most people that become mothers, my baby is now 2.5, and probably won't live with me forever.  Despite the eventual sadness of losing Miss Baby, I would not trade anything in the world for getting to have her in my life, even if it is only temporary.  The suffering of years of infertility were totally worth it to have her be a part of my family.  The absolute unfairness of the fact that she has lived with us for her entire memory and we are her family but she will still probably leave us is terrible.  But (although I am taking it out of context) "it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all".  She is such a fun little girl.  She is sweet and nurturing, and although she does have a stubborn streak she is really learning to be polite and obedient.  She loves to help with the baby and is always wrapping up her baby dolls and feeding them, and changing their diapers....

Confession: I am a horrible housewife.  My poor husband often comes home to a VERY messy house for many, many days in a row.  The only time he doesn't is usually if I had someone come over that day, and even then, the cleaning only extends to the main living area. In fact, until this last week, if you came to my house and it resembled clean, feel very special, because I did it just for you! Last Wednesday I found an app on my phone called Motivated Moms.  I used the demo version for a day, loved it and I actually PAID for the app!  (In interest of full disclosure, I didn't actually use "real" money, I have the Google Rewards App and I earn money for the app store by doing quick surveys).  Its basically a glorified to-do list.  But the genius is that you don't have to think at all!  It has almost all the chores that need to be done around the house in a daily list.  It breaks down big jobs like cleaning the fridge into small jobs, like clea...

So Miss Baby turned 2 in January.  Right afterwards I started to work a little on potty training her, but then Spiderman came to live with us and was 3.5 but still in diapers, so I had 3 kids in diapers and I just didn't care at that point.  At the beginning of June Spiderman when to live with his mom, and so I decided I needed to work harder potty training Miss Baby. Although she is doing really well, we have had a few mishaps.  Like when my Michael, my mom, and I were sitting watching TV while Miss Baby played with blocks on the floor and I noticed it smelled bad.  I figured Little Guy (who is NOT potty training, but has had a number of mishaps of his own *shudder*) had pooped and I would change it after the show.  Then Michael was like "Um, guys, she is covered in poop."  Which she was. Some how, Miss Baby had neglected to notice that she was cover in poop, and went right on playing.  She was NOT pleased to be stuck in the empty bath and have po...

She was crying a lot, and she almost made me cry a couple times, because I am a big loser, and always wonder if the kids really love me and feel attached.  But today I found out that Miss Baby most certainly loves me.  I was laying right next to her, but she couldn't see me, so once she asked to "see Mama", which was sweet.  Then she asked for a kiss, and I said I would kiss her belly, but she said "Kiss face", so they lifted up the cover so I could give her a kiss.  And when she got unwrapped she practically flew into my arms.  She also really wanted to go home. On the way home, Grandma Lisa and Mama spoiled Miss Baby rotten. After we left the hospital we had to go pick up some ibuprofen and neosporin.  My mom has a teeny tiny car, with only two doors, so the logical thing to do is run in and leave the kids in the car, but Miss Baby was crying softly, and begging to go in with me, so I let her.  She was very good in the store, so it worked out oka...

We didn't have to wait in the waiting room for more than 5 minutes, then we were brought back to the Emergency Room.  Miss Baby behaved really well, standing nicely on the scale, sitting still, saying thank you, etc.  The nurse took her vitals, cleaned her wound, wrapped it up, and said the doctor would be in soon.  She also came back with a sticker for Miss Baby. I don't know how long we waited for the doctor, because I wasn't keeping track, but I don't think it was very long, although Little Guy was doing his best to make it seem like forever by being as cranky as possible.  The doctor came in, looked at it, said she would definitely need stitches, and then said the nurse would be in to numb it in a few minutes. The nurse came in and numbed it topically, rewrapped it, and showed us the remote while she was in there.  We turned on Duck Dynasty and sat for a while.  I don't really know how long it was, less than a half an hour, because it was only one e...

This afternoon my mom and I took the kids shopping at Value Village.  Little Guy and Miss Baby were pretty good, but got a bit cranky towards the end, while I was trying on clothes.  My mom had a couple things to try on too, so she went in and I took the kids.  As soon as my mom got her pants off, Miss Baby tripped over her own feet and face planted onto the cart.  Most of the time I have the kids get themselves up, see if they are okay, and tell them it was a good fall, and they move on.  I was pretty sure that this time was going to be a lot worse then usual.  Unfortunately I was right. I had been holding Little Guy, and I stuck him back in the cart seat and picked her up.  She was bleeding profusely from her forehead.  Apparently, on some carts, the covers of the wheels are sharp metal and that is where she landed.  Thankfully she didn't fall 1/2 an inch closer or it would have been REALLY bad, with an eye injury.  I called for my ...

Most of the time when we judge someone it is from a tiny snapshot of their life.  It is a small moment that we see and decide we must know how they live their life based on that one moment. You see a mom screaming at her kids in the grocery store and assume she must be an angry mom that always yells at them.  And maybe you are right, but maybe you are wrong.  Perhaps she is actually a really great mom, but she has a headache, and the kids have been fighting all morning, and the dog crapped on the floor before they left, and she got the grocery shopping almost done, only to find out her bank account was overdrawn.  Then her kid asks her for a candy bar, which she has already said no to 3 times, and when she says no again, starts throwing a tantrum.  At which point, who wouldn't be yelling? Other times we judge someone because they make different choices than we would. I get this one a lot.  I mean people don't say it to my face (much) but you can alway...

I was going to be an attachment parent, until I had kids in my house.  I used to think it was terribly cruel to let a baby cry when you could comfort it*.  Then I realized that if I wanted to have any time to myself in the evenings, the kids would need to learn to go to sleep on their own. Most of the time it works fine, and after a few nights they didn't even cry that much.  When the baby was tiny I cuddled him to sleep after a bottle most of the time, and when Miss Baby was little I would cuddle her to sleep on the weekends, but after a few months she would just watch TV with me rather than drift off, so that had to stop (which made me a lot more sad than it did her). Sometimes I have let them cry WAY longer than I felt comfortable doing, but at the same time, I wasn't going to let them just get up because they threw a tantrum.  Miss Baby once threw a 5 hour long fit rather than take a nap.  Yeah, you read that right: FIVE  HOURS !!!  It was insa...

I went to the park and noticed that a lady was sitting in the car on a nice day while her little girls played.  At first I was like, "How lame is that?!?". Then I realized that A: It wasn't lame at all, her kids were getting the small amount of freedom legally allowed at the park these days. B: Even if it was lame, maybe she was getting a much needed break, while her girls got to be physically active and have fun. I actually intentionally ignore the children at the park now, they are much more daring and at the same time much more careful when they don't think I am watching (I am watching).  Yes, I brought them home wet and covered in dirt yesterday, but they had a lot of fun, and if I had thought to bring a book I could have got a lot of reading done in the 2 hours we were there.  (Side note: I don't think kids understand what "Look Mommy!" means.  They do not appear to be satisfied with you simply doing as they requested and looking at what they ...

I was going to spank my kids. Then it turned out I couldn't have my own kids, so the kids I take everywhere with me are foster kids.  Which means that I am not legally allowed to spank them. So when you see the mom out with her kid, and one of the kids is being a horrible brat and really should get turned over a knee, try to remember that maybe she legally can't do that.  There have been a few times that if Miss Baby were MINE she would have gotten a spanking, but since she isn't I just have to try to reason with her (which works GREAT at two by the way) or put her in time-out. Maybe she was abused as a child, so spanking seems like abuse more than discipline. Maybe she has anger issues, and and spanking might quickly escalate to a beating. Maybe it just seems wrong to her to hit her kids. Like with bottlefeeding   just remember that just because it isn't YOUR idea of the right way, doesn't mean its the wrong way.

Yup, I was one of those. Now don't get me wrong I still think that "Breast is Best" and am well aware of the multitude of  benefits of breastfeeding . I just don't know the mother at the store's REASON for bottlefeeding. The youngest foster baby I have gotten so far was 6 months old.  Should definitely still be on the boob.  But since my boobs are empty that wasn't an option, so I was a bottlefeeding mom.  Maybe that mom needed to take medication that wasn't safe for the baby.  Maybe she just was feeling so stressed out and tired and depressed that putting the baby on formula was the only way for her to get through the day without a breakdown.  Perhaps her doctor was quick to tell her that she didn't produce enough milk, and should switch to formula even though the best way to make more milk is to nurse the baby more often. It doesn't matter.  Unless her reason for not breastfeeding is because she is doing drugs or something, she is trying ...

I am starting a new series.  I intend to write most of it today, so it might actually be more than just one post. Justices of Appeal. Supreme Court of Ontario Canada Date: 1923 Photographer: Micklethwaite, Photo, Toronto Reference code: 993037-01P Until I had multiple kids living in my house, I was a terribly judgmental person.  Well, I still kind of am, because I believe firmly in what is right and what is wrong, and if questioned will stand up for my Biblically-based beliefs, but that is a topic for another day (or never, since going viral would be kind of awesome, but getting called mean names and being bullied would not be very fun...) Anyways, I used to think there was only one way to parent, and while I am not the type to say anything if I disagree with they tactics you (again, not specific) used, I would certainly talk about it later! Since experiencing the joy (that is intended as both sarcastic and serious) of having multiple young children in my car...

From infancy children are given immense freedom, but without any responsibility (obviously one can't really expect a 6 month old to be responsible).  To keep from having to "stifle" their curiosity, we baby proof the whole house (we is a general term, and is not actually referring to everyone, and not even me most of the time), put up things they can't touch and allow them to roam the house.  Even though we did all this baby-proofing, they still can't be trusted to move freely around the house, because they are not capable of making ANY reasonable decision, or of obeying almost any commands.  So we follow them.  All day long we follow them around the house.  They are our whole day, and not in a fun way.  In a stressful, "oh look its 5 o'clock and the house is a mess and I have no idea what to do about dinner" sort of way.   We also let them pick and choose what and when they eat (breastfeeding on demand with small infants is healthy and necessar...

When one of the following conversations takes place, you know that it is time to change up your life a little bit: Mom of the House:  Okay, time to get dressed! Pre-schooler:  Where are we going? OR Mom of the House:  Sorry guys, I don't have time for that, I need to clean the house. Pre-schooler:  Who is coming over? Both of these happened today, I think I need to make a new schedule ASAP!!!!

Yesterday's post was pretty much a downer, but that is who I am right now, a downer.  But I think I have found a way to make my life easier to cope with.  No, I am not going to start drinking first thing in the morning LOL.  I am going to live my life with PRIORITIES! I have always had a mental list of priorities for my someday family, but somehow lost track of them in all the mess of going from zero to three kids in less than a year.  My priorities list probably won't sit well with some of my readers (actually I deleted my Facebook, so who knows if anyone will even read this...?) because it is decidedly NOT child-centered.  I have always wanted children, and I have always wanted to be a "fun mom", but have NEVER wanted to be my children's friends.  I have done A LOT of internet reading on old fashioned parenting and have decided that the best way to train "my" children correctly is to demonstrate to them how to be an adult, not cater to their every wh...

I have not blogged for a little while because I am sucking at life.  When I just had Miss Baby this parenting thing was a piece of cake.  My life didn't really change at all, except there was a sweet little girl added to it.  When Little Guy got to our home in October things got a lot harder.  He is a great baby (if you ignore the high pitched screech thing he does when he gets mad, or the biting he has been doing lately) and on his own isn't any trouble at all.  I don't know if it was "sibling" rivalry or just an age thing, but as soon as Little Guy joined our "family" Miss Baby started acting up a lot more.  At this point my life changed a little.  It was less pleasant than before, I yelled more than I would like to (Miss Baby is smart and would always decide to do things she isn't supposed to when I was in the middle of a bottle or diaper change with the baby), and I felt a little more stuck at home.  I had no problem having Miss Baby tag along...