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Love

Yesterday, Bitty Baby had surgery.  She had a hernia, and they had to repair it.  The surgery went well, and she was discharged a couple hours after they did the repairs.

On the way home she was pretty good at sleeping, until we switched cars.

We switched cars because I usually meet my mom halfway for appointments.  She drives us so I don't have to try to park my big SUV in Portland.  And of course keeps me company and is a HUGE help with Little Guy.

When we switched cars, it woke her up, and after that she started crying every time I stopped or turned a corner.  It was so sad.  By the time she got home she was really, really upset.

At ten years old I had an appendectomy, and they gave me morphine.  Not so for babies.  They just told me to give her Tylenol every six hours.  I would be really mad if they gave me Tylenol for abdominal surgery, but whatever.

The poor baby couldn't move AT ALL without crying.  Even when she would just move her arm she would start bawling.  So while I was trying to get all her stuff ready to leave in the morning for her return to her dad, I was also trying desperately to hold her completely still and not able to move.

At one point I had to put her down to do something, and she was crying the saddest cry ever.  I bent over to pick her up and said to her "I wish I could feel the pain instead of you."  Realizing that I had heard my mom say that to me, I thought about it, and if I really meant it.  Yes, yes I did.  I would gladly take her pain for her, even with only Tylenol for pain relief.  It was the first time I had felt that way (Little Guy and Miss Baby never had super painful experiences, although Miss Baby did need stitches once and I felt pretty bad for her, but she wasn't in inconsolable pain every time she moved).

I consider myself a rather selfish person honestly.  I am not the most sympathetic person ever, usually if my kid falls down, I ask if they are broken, then tell them to go play.  But when "my" baby was in genuine, extreme pain, I would have gladly sacrificed my comfort for hers.

It reminded me of how Christ suffered for us.  He loved us so much, He willingly accepted horrifying pain, humiliation and even death, to save us from ourselves!  He laid down His life, to spare our eternal souls.  He was willing to suffer, when He was the ONE PERSON in the whole world, that DIDN'T deserve to suffer.  That is how much he loves us.  There is only one way to Heaven: Jesus Christ.  He laid down His life, because he loves us so much.

It also reminded me that while Jesus was sacrificing Himself, God was also suffering for us.  Honestly the whole trinity thing confuses me.  A lot.  I know that God is our father, but he is also the father of Christ.  I think their relationship is entirely different then ours, although I couldn't give you a reason I think that.  So while Jesus was suffering physically, can you imagine the emotional pain God the father was feeling?  I wanted to cry watching my baby be sad because she has some teeny, tiny closed up cuts in her belly.  He was watching his only begotten son be tortured, stabbed multiple times and then crucified.  But he knew it was the only way to save us from our sin.  I can't pretend to understand WHY it was the only way.  Frankly I don't care.  God is God.  I believe He is the creator of the universe and all powerful and all good.  He knows things I don't know, comprehends things I can't even imagine.  He is God, we are His creation, and whatever He says, it is good, and it is true.

I am NOT really comparing my willingness to suffer some acute abdominal pain with Christ's torture.  It was just the overwhelming realization that I love Bitty Baby SOOOO much, as a parent, and some how it made the suffering and sacrifice of Jesus seem more relatable for me, in a way they never had before.  Hopefully that makes sense...



Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.


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