Wife, Then Mama

I really enjoy candy!  My waistline didn't used to reflect this fact, but it is definitely trying to be more honest lately.  Anyways, I am making an effort to post more frequently, so here is a just for fun post.  My favorite candies.  In no real order.  1) York Peppermint Patties 2) Junior Mints 3) Nerds 4) SweeTarts 5) Red Hots 6) Kit Kats 7) Atomic Fireballs 8) Smarties 9) Candy Corn 10) Lindor Dark Chocolate Truffles

In case I have never mentioned it, I am a fatty.  I mean not on the outside, I keep my fatness on the inside where it counts (and leads to cardiac disease).  Since I was a tiny little child, I have LOVED junk food, as evidenced by me chowing down on the French fry.  I mean I look a little miserable, but I am fairly certain that is because someone is taking my picture as I stuff my face with fattening food.  Plus no one gave me any ketchup. According my my mom and grandma, "French fry" or my baby variation on it (fre-fry), was one of my first words.  Apparently when we would be driving along, and I would see the golden arches, I would start say "Donald's! Fre-fry! Donald's! Fre-fry!" like a crazy person.  I don't remember any of this, but given my penchant for deep fried potatoes, I don't think they were exaggerating. My mom actually fed me fairly well as a child (as well as anyone could in the late 1980's before the internet had taken its...

Before we get to the resolutions here are the winners of the giveaways!  I will be emailing you this afternoon to get your contact information and you will have 48 hours to respond :) Tropical Traditions Coconut Oil:  Brittany M. Sincerely Pure Sampler Basket:  Shelley B. Martha Stewart Living Subscription:   Melle E. Congrats to the winners, and a big thank you to everyone that entered.  Also a HUGE  thank you to all my guest bloggers! Every year I make a pretty long list of resolutions, and every year I fail fairly miserably at sticking to them.  And I am pretty much okay with that.  Someone asked me why I make resolutions if I know I am going to fail.  The reasons are threefold: Goals are good, even if you don't meet them, its nice to have them in sight. If I ever DO manage to meet them I will be extra stoked. I blog, and sometimes coming up with blog posts is hard, so at least one a year can be tackled with a resolutions post :...

This is TMI post.  Just to warn you.  If you don't want to hear about gross personal things, I advise you stop reading now.  Or I guess at the end of the next paragraph, It rained for 40 days and 40 nights.  I am now 42 days late for my period.  I last tested 41 days ago.  I hate testing.  Especially when I am SO late.  It is so much wasted time trying to conceive when it comes up negative.  I try to walk a fine line between hopeful and cynical.  I spend hours looking up any sort of symptom on the internet.  Mostly the links just go to message boards with infertile women asking if it could be a symptom. My symptoms are: This is how hungry I am.  All the freaking time.  I am going to get fat. I am hungry like a hippo I have been having a disturbing amount of mucus for quite some time now My nipples hurt A few times in the last couple weeks I have thrown up in my mouth a little, which while not unheard of for me...

What I am going to say obviously isn't REALLY a secret, otherwise I wouldn't be posting it on the internet, on a public page, under my real name.  But it FEELS like something I SHOULD keep secret.  Here goes: I'm going to start running.  I ABHOR running.  It makes my entire body turn on me.  My head starts pounding.  My legs burn.  My lungs gasp for air.  And worst of all, almost unfailingly my side starts cramping and I am sure I am dying.  NOT FUN! But this week I bought $60 running shoes.  Which seems absurdly expensive, but is actually at the low end of the running shoe spectrum.  The plus side is they are really cute, which is surprising because I tend to think athletic shoes are super ugly and stick to "skater shoes".  I am NOT a skater, and am pretty sure that any attempt I made to even stand on a skate board would end with me flat on either my butt or my face.  But I like the shoes.  My husband also bought...

That is what I think every cycle when its at the end and I am spotting and I know that the stupid bitch is on her way. I can't do it anymore. But really, what am I doing? I'm not getting pregnant. I would LOVE to stop not getting pregnant, but I am not really in control of that now am I? Sometimes I want to get on birth control. Other times I want to scramble my insides or get a hysterectomy. Anything to kill the hope I have every month (or so). Ironically if I did get on birth control, I wouldn't really want to have sex anymore, because I would be afraid that I would conceive and then the chemicals would abort it, thereby making it pointless to be on birth control. I love birth control. I feel SO good on birth control. Unlike other people who have a low libido and depression, I feel awesome. I am much more emotionally stable, I have less acne, and I have a higher libido. Obviously something is VERY wrong with my hormones. I tried acupuncture this cycle for ...

Someone that I went to High School with started a Facebook group for "our" graduating class.  Our is in quotes because I didn't actually graduate, but I went most of the time right up until graduation.  I should have gone back for a "super senior" year, but seeing as how I would much rather not go to school I didn't.  So far this has had ZERO negative effects on me. If I had not "dropped out" (again quotes because dropping out doesn't feel right, I went all 12 years, I just didn't go enough to graduate for the last 3) I probably would not be married to my wonderful husband, because I wouldn't have moved to Salem and ever met him.  So YAY for not graduating.  Also I have had quite a few jobs (all entry level to be fair) and I have NEVER been told no for a job based on my lack of diploma.  (Okay I did not get a job once, but it was a baby-sitting job, so I don't think that counts, as a diploma is completely irrelevant since I have b...

That is what I hope to be by the end of this year.  I know New Year's Resolutions are stupid, and not really going to help, but really for me it was just a good timeline.  Plus I didn't start on New Years so it doesn't count.  I am pretty determined to lose about 20 pounds in the next few months, that will put me back at my High School weight.  Well I was determined to lose 20 pounds, but now its only 17!  WooHoo (and I don't mean having sex in the Sims, its just an exclamation)! To do so I am eating Yoghurt in the mornings (along with toast or cereal if I remember), and Slim-Fast (or rather Slim Supreme since I am cheap and buy off-brand everything but ketchup) for lunch.  I am only supposed to have between 1,200 and 1,550 calories a day until I reach my goal weight when it raises to between 1,500 and 1,800, which will be awesome.  By doing the dieting things in the early day, I still have at least 800 calories left for dinner and snack.  At ...

I am steadily getting fat (I also played CandyLand for two hours today).  I am not there yet, but I am certainly not going to be called skinny anytime soon, unless its by an obese person, who probably would consider me to be skinny.  But the skinny people wouldn't call me one of them anymore.  Which is sad.  I never really thought I was pretty, just average, but what I really had going for me was being skinny with big boobs.  Now I just have big boobs, which isn't nearly as uncommon.  I'm not overweight, and if I could guarantee I wouldn't gain anymore weight, I probably wouldn't care.  I have gained about 10 pounds in the last 3 years.  Not that much, only 3.33 pounds a year.  Alright, lets times that by 21... I am of course using the calculator to do this... 69.93 pounds.  116 + 70 = 186.  At 45 I will not be considered in a healthy weight range.  I also won't be able to look at myself naked.  Not that I like to d...

Let me start out by acknowledging my lack of application of the knowledge I am going to share. Everyone always says if you want to lose weight you have to exercise.  Let us take a moment and do some math (don't worry I am doing it for you, who wants to do math?). We are going to have a delicious snack, well we are going to pretend we are anyways.  First I am going to give you 13 Puffy Cheetos.  You are probably thirsty, so I'm going to be nice and buy you a fountain drink (32 ounces), and its going to be Dr. Pepper.  Plus, I'm sure you want some chocolate, so I am going to buy you some Junior Mints too.  Just a regular size box, not the king size or anything.  How many calories do you think that is?  780!   There are 780 calories in that "snack".  And other then the soda, which you might sip on for hours (rotting your teeth... yes I am being a downer today), its pretty much gone in 10 minutes.  More than one third of your d...