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Sex With a Plastic Tube - Part 2

*DISCLAIMER - In case you can't tell by the title of this entry, it is going to be chock full of TMI and werid information you probably don't care about.  Don't say I didn't warn you!!!*

Today I went and got artificially inseminated.  I think that is an improper term though.  Its not really fake insemination, its just a weird way of doing getting the spermies up in the uterus.  Its real though, or else it wouldn't work.

The process was quick, easy, and painless, which is awesome! 

I started my day earlier than I usually do, by like and hour and a half, because my husband always inaccurately gauges the time it will take to get somewhere.  Usually this is in the opposite direction, thinking that a 30 minute drive will take like 15 minutes.  I think this is left over from his teenage days of driving 100 mph everywhere he went.  Anyways, we left at 6:45 to make it to his appointment at 8:30.  Its about an hour drive, and as you would expect we were 45 minutes early.  Luckily for me the parking lot had WiFi so I got out my service free smart phone and did some Facebooking, because I am that cool.  Michael watched some TV on his phone.  Technology...

We went in and Michael had his appointment.  I felt so bad and embarrassed for him, but he was a trooper, even though they kinda seemed to stand outside the door waiting for him. 

Then we got lost in Portland, found a McDonald's (thank you GPS), Michael remembered he hates fast food breakfast, so we drove over to Shari's.  We spent less than $10 on breakfast a Shari's which is pretty close to what we would have spent at McDonald's, so I think thats pretty good since the food was way better.

My appointment was at 10 am.  Usually I go back there by myself, but I thought that since we are hoping this makes a baby he should be there.  Hypocritical I know, because I didn't go to his appointment.  I didn't tell him that was why I thought he needed to come back there, I said it was cause I was nervous.  Which was true, but only secondary.  Then he showed us the sperm sample that was in a syringe and barely any, which I guess is normal.  It was literally 0.4mL of liquid.  He stuck the feeding tube (yes the catheter was a feeding tube, I don't know why) through my cervix, which didn't hurt at all, but felt weird because I could feel it a little in my abdomen.  All of it took like 5 minutes or less.  And most of that time was him running the speculum under warm water so as not to give me a heart attack from the cold metal.  He said that my cervix was really nice or something, which was awesome because that means good timing, as your cervix is open at ovulation, and closed at other time.  Apparently the procedure can really hurt if the timing is off, plus it would probably be less effective too.

Then he told us that the next test if we wanted to, would be a Progesterone test.  Basically to make sure that if I do get pregnant I will be able to keep the baby.  This is something that I have been worried about, because I spot ALOT before my periods.  So I REALLY want to take this test.  He said since I don't have insurance (working on it, but its not going as quickly as we would hope, but don't tell my grandma or anyone because I sort of told her (and other family members) that we both have insurance) it would probably be cheaper to do it there, for about $85, which is perfectly acceptable, except I just gave them all my money today.  Plus its another drive to Portland which costs like $10 at LEAST plus a whole day of not working, so he said we could take it at Salem Hospital, or Santiam, but he didn't seem impressed at ALL about the small hospital.  I will definitely be taking the test at a hospital, because unlike the fertility clinic, they will bill me for the test later, meaning I can pay them after payday. 

He had me lay down for 15 minutes, which I of course did, even though I have read in multiple books/websites that say that it does nothing except give you piece of mind since they sperm is inserted in your uterus and doesn't fall out.  Michael complained the whole time after I told him that, thinking that we should just leave since he was uncomfortable after watching the doctor violate me, and waiting wasn't doing any good anyways.  We waited the 15 minutes and then I got dressed and went and paid. 

I asked them about the sperm count because I am curious person, plus I like to have SOME knowledge about what is going on and was VERY surprised!  Last time Michael had a semen analysis, the results pretty much sucked.  11 million total sperm.  60 million is average.  This time it was 80 million!!  Or so.  I mean that was in a full mL so it was more like 38 million that were inserted in me.  The lady that was working in the lab seemed pretty impressed.  I was happy and worried.  And a little sad.  Happy for obvious reasons, worried because if his sperm count is really good then you would think we would get knocked up already.  And sad because I liked it better when we were both broken.  My misery loves company what can I say?  But I am hoping that I just have hostile cervical mucus and that the IUI will work like a charm.

That's it.  I'm trying to keep my hopes down, because I don't want to be disappointed more than I am any other month. 

As far as my last post and my comment about God being involved in my baby-making journey, its more that I believe that God knows what is going to happen before it happens, so I don't think my hopes/wishes or even prayers will change that.  But I continue to try.


  1. Wow Rachel. Thanks for sharing this. I must be wierd because I thought this was really interesting and not gross at all. Can I ask where you guys had Michael's first sperm count done? And how much was it since you don't have insurance. Our insurance doesn't cover sperm anaylsis either.
    I know exactly how you feel about not getting your hopes up and how you know God is in control. I feel the exact same way. I know God can open my womb and I feel that He will, apparently not right now though! I'll be praying for you and do look forward to the day when God blesses us with children!!!!

  2. I love that I spelled weird wrong, and then you did to in a totally different way :P

    Anyways, I like sharing, glad it was interesting and not gross to you. Its probably because you are trying to have a baby too!

    Michael's first sperm count was done last May, so just over a year ago. At that point he was working 2 jobs and sleeping about 4 hours a night, so that probably didn't help things. Plus we got it processed at a small hospital, where they have to send it out for some of the testing, which probably made it even worse, seeing as how sperm have a fairly short lifespan outside of the body.

    It was something like $86 or something, but you have to have an appointment first to get the order for the lab work. Since I got that appointment for free because of a friend, I don't know how much that costs.

    My whole IUI cost about $295, including the sperm wash and the insertion, but we didn't do any ultrasounds or anything. Oh and $9 for the Clomid to try and get more eggs to develop and have me ovulate in a timely manner.

    You might be able to have it done cheaper at a OB/GYN, but I skipped that and went straight to the Specialist. Usually I am cheap, but I figure that it is probably cheaper to pay someone with years of experience getting infertiles pregnant than someone who is used to birth, STDs, and birth control.

    I can't wait to have a baby, and sometimes I remember to pray for you to get one too :)


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