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I Couldn't Do It...

There is something people say a lot to foster parents:  I couldn't do it, I would get to attached.

Honestly, I think they are trying to give themselves an excuse as to why they don't do foster care.  Which they don't need to do.  Foster care isn't for everyone.  You don't have to justify why you don't do it.

But it can come off as a little hurtful.  I know they don't mean it that way, most of the time people are impressed that you do foster care (which probably warrants its own post someday).

There is a variation of this, which is: Aren't you afraid that you will get attached?

The answer to that is NO!  I am NOT afraid that I will get attached.  I KNOW I WILL!  I have!  But thanks, bunches, for reminding me.  Sorry, I know that was negative, but I have heard it A LOT in the few months we have be doing this.

I am a pessimistic person, for the most part, but I tend to think the best of people.  When someone cuts me off, I assume that they didn't see me.  So I genuinely figured that it would be awhile before a foster child became available.  I was sure that as soon as the kids got taken away the parents would get clean, get settled and get their kids back.  I mean if my (hypothetical) children were taken from me, it would certainly be a wake-up call to get my stuff together.  Although I obviously can't post any details or anything in a public forum, it is looking like I might have been wrong...

Which leads me to a problem.  We obviously can't adopt every child that comes into our home.  I didn't think this would be an issue since I was sure it would be forever until we got one that doesn't get to go home (it still might be, things can always change).  I never really thought of what would happen if we got to many adoptable ones.  While I don't think I would have a problem having a child moved that was making my life miserable, how can I have a child move that makes my life wonderful?  How can I have a beautiful, amazing child that makes me happy be moved to another family because I can't adopt them at the moment?

I am seriously attached.  So attached that last night I was crying about it.  Just thinking about sending Miss Baby away was killing me inside.  I want the kids to go home.  I really, really do.  If their moms (dads appear to very rarely be involved...) can make it so that it is safe for them to go home, that is what I want.  No matter how much I love the kids, I don't ever want to have "taken" someone's kids.  I don't want to destroy a family to make my own.  I realize that the parents very rarely just give up the kids, but through their actions, or inaction they do.  I don't want it to be a grey area as to whether or not they should have gotten them back.  I am prepared for them to go home.  Will it hurt?  Oh yes, like crazy, but its the right thing to do.
I am NOT prepared to send them to another home if they can't go back to their bio family.  I honestly didn't even fathom that being a problem when we started doing foster care.  I love these babies, I don't want them to leave.  I don't want someone else to be their mom.  I don't want to never see them again because we can't afford two adoptions at the same time, or because adopting two kids at once would make it so we had to close as a foster home for a few years.

Foster care is definitely going to give me my first broken heart.  That is for sure.


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