I will still be a foster mother after Miss Baby leaves, and hopefully be an adoptive mother to Little Guy, who has been with us almost as long (although life sucking the way it does sometimes, that could end quite soon as well, since he has family members that *might* want him, and I should hear more on by the end of the week) sometime in the near future.
But the reality of Miss Baby leaving soon has left me questioning if I am ready for the ride of adopting from the foster care system. I am perfectly, wonderfully happy with being a mother to kids that need one. I am less happy with having those kids taken from me. No matter what happens, we will continue doing foster care for awhile. But, as I have known from the beginning but is becoming more clear to me as I come to the end of this situation, adopting from the system is a long process. And I might not be ready for it.
I would never give up the time I have had with either of "my kids" for a biological baby on my clock. I love them so much, and I am so thankful that God does things on his time. I know that there is a greater reason behind Miss Baby leaving, that like my infertility, I can't see whilst in the midst of the pain.
So I am back to feeling my infertility. I was starting to feel it anyways, as my Little Guy gets nearer to his second birthday, and I want another baby, but the ending of this season has amplified my desire to birth a baby.
In light of that, I have started a GoFundMe campaign. If you are my friend on Facebook, please forgive the spamming. Blog readers, forgive the obnoxious pop-up (but don't ignore it! CLICK IT! LOL). And everyone keep in mind: for every dollar you donate, that is one dollar closer to never having to see my pop-up or Facebook post again about it again!!! You can also find a donate button on the top right sidebar.
I know its lame to ask people for money. I know there are people that would say "if you can't afford the fertility treatments you can't afford a baby". To those people I say, "YOU ARE CRAZY!". I have had kids for about a year and a half now, and they have came no where near costing me $16,000 in one shot. I have probably spend about $2000 total on them in the 18 months they have been here. I have not really kept count, but that seems about right. We are responsible. We own a house, we have two cars, my husband has a great job, we have health insurance. We can afford a baby, we just can't afford to make one!!!