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No More Judging - In Conclusion

Most of the time when we judge someone it is from a tiny snapshot of their life.  It is a small moment that we see and decide we must know how they live their life based on that one moment.

You see a mom screaming at her kids in the grocery store and assume she must be an angry mom that always yells at them.  And maybe you are right, but maybe you are wrong.  Perhaps she is actually a really great mom, but she has a headache, and the kids have been fighting all morning, and the dog crapped on the floor before they left, and she got the grocery shopping almost done, only to find out her bank account was overdrawn.  Then her kid asks her for a candy bar, which she has already said no to 3 times, and when she says no again, starts throwing a tantrum.  At which point, who wouldn't be yelling?

Other times we judge someone because they make different choices than we would.

I get this one a lot.  I mean people don't say it to my face (much) but you can always tell that they are quite taken aback when we tell them that our kids don't need a snack.  The kids in my house all eat great (most of the time).  They eat well rounded meals and are growing well.  I don't see any need to start them on the bad habit (which I definitely have!) of snacking.  If someone offers them a snack we don't want them to have, we tell them no thank you, even though it sometimes leads to tantrums.  I don't want them eating goldfish half an hour before dinner so they don't want to eat their vegetables.  Now if you are offering them veggies, I will probably take you up on it, since that means I won't have to cook them any at dinner!  :)

Do I care when people give their kids a bunch of snacks?  Nope.  Not at all.  Not my kid, not my business.  As long as you are not harming your child, I don't feel like it is my place to care what choices you think are in their best interest.

What it all comes down to is RESPECT.  Everyone has their own beliefs in the best way to do things.  Just because your research has led you to believe one thing doesn't mean that everyone else has to have came to the same conclusion.  And it doesn't mean you can not be friends.  Maybe that  mother that spanks, lets her babies cry it out, lets her kids play at the park unattended, and bottle feeds also has the same hobbies as you, has a great sense of humor, well-behaved kids in the same age group as yours, and shares many core beliefs with you.  But if you judge her based on how she raises her kids in a different manner than your attachment parenting, cloth diapering, helicoptering self, you might miss out on making a great new friend.

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